Dreams in Which I'm Dying
by El Leon Y La Oveja
Summary: When Wormtail finally dies, he finds someone waiting for him. Someone he's quite afraid to be facing after so many years. Set during DH. JP/PP Friendship fic NON-SLASH. Two-shot. Contains mature language in places.
1. Encounters

**Author's Note:**

**So this is just a little idea that I had the other day and it expanded into this fic. I was reading a fanfic where James discovers that Peter has a Dark Mark before he makes him Secret Keeper and everyone is saved. It got me wondering what James would say to the man who betrayed him all those years later once he's had the chance to contemplate it. The whole Heaven/afterlife/limbo/King's Cross concept confuses me slightly so I've written this as I think it works in the Wizarding World and hopefully it won't annoy anyone (or cause hysterical laughter). Most of the places I've described can be symbolic or physically real so as you're reading, just imagine what you want in your own mind. **

**This is set just after Wormtail's death in Deathly Hallows and relays the conversation between James and Peter when they finally meet again. **

**Also, I was considering doing another chapter where Sirius and/or Lily speak to (or shout at) Peter too. Any comments? **

**Enjoy and feel free to leave feedback! **

/

He had been expecting to die for a long time, Peter realised and now that the moment had passed, he honestly didn't regret his death. There was a slight annoyance that the Dark Lord had beaten him in the end but then again, Peter knew he'd been tired of life for a while. The fight was becoming endless, cruel and he'd long since lost sight of what he was supposed to be fighting for anyway. It seemed like Bellatrix and the others didn't even need something to fight for because the thrill of death and destruction were enough for them. It wasn't the same for Peter, he knew that much.

What was this place? Was this purgatory? He'd never paid much attention to the theories about the afterlife, preferring to concentrate on reality, a reality that didn't scare him half as much as the thought of what came after death. The room was empty, aside from a few benches and the warm jumper and trousers that he'd dressed himself in immediately upon arrival. The shining brilliance of the room made Peter feel ashamed because the walls and floors were all pure white and sparkling clean. He suddenly noticed that there was also a fireplace at the end of the room and he wondered if he was expecting a visitor. God perhaps? An angel? Peter racked his brains to remember anything from his grandmother's old book of prayers. Perhaps he could try to present himself as a lost soul, someone who'd only just seen the light, if that was what God would want him to say. Would God even be able to tell if he lied? Peter stood opposite the fireplace, fiddling with his hands and staring as the flames flashed a brilliant red.

**/**

_James Potter was having the time of his life, playing five-a-side Quidditch with Sirius and a group of friends from the original Order of the Phoenix. Lily was sitting in a deck chair beside the magnificent pitch, reading a book and glancing up occasionally to watch the game. James was just about to score with the Quaffle from a particularly difficult angle when everything vanished and he was standing in a reception area. _

_James blinked. He hadn't been here since his own death, sixteen years ago. The beautiful woman at the desk smiled at him. _

"_How can I help you?" James shrugged. He'd heard of people being transported around Heaven randomly. Sirius had been away for a few days when his mother had tried to seek him out. Unfortunately, she hadn't been in the same section of Heaven as him and apparently, their meeting had required quite a lot of paperwork. James was slightly confused. He'd already spoken to everyone he knew who was already dead._

"_I was hoping that you could tell me. I'm James Potter." The woman smiled again. _

"_I'll just check the records." She opened a huge, heavy-looking golden book that was in front of her on the desk and ran her finger down the page. _

"_Lily, Harry… James!" She beamed up at him. "You're in for a treat, Mr Potter. We've got you scheduled for an encounter today." James was even more confused. _

"_An encounter? What's that?" _

"_An encounter," she explained. "Is the process in which you can travel to the limbo between life and death to communicate with people who have very recently passed away." She paused and frowned slightly at James. "It's strange that you wouldn't remember. Didn't you put in a request for the encounter?" James shook his head. _

"_No. I didn't even know that we could do that." The woman shook her head. _

"_No, you can't normally. I've got a note here. Something regarding your special circumstances." She handed James a sheet of parchment and he gazed down at the strangely familiar loopy handwriting." _

"_I don't understand what this means," James shrugged, after having studied the message for a few moments. The woman glanced down at the note. _

"_It appears that someone named Albus Dumbledore has arranged this encounter for you." James felt a rush of excitement. It couldn't go wrong if Dumbledore had organised it. Then, his stomach gave a terrible lurch._

"_Oh Merlin, Harry hasn't died, has he?" Fear gripped James's insides. Patting his hand gently, the woman shook her head._

"_Definitely not. You'd have been notified immediately, along with Mrs Lily Potter, if that had occurred." James let out a sigh of relief which was almost instantly replaced with a wave of curiosity. _

"_So, who am I…encountering, then?" he asked. The woman smiled sweetly. _

"_I'm afraid Mr Dumbledore has chosen not to make that information available." She pointed at an ornate fireplace that James hadn't noticed before. "Step through there dear, if you would." _

_Summoning up his Gryffindor courage and the knowledge that he was already dead and so couldn't be killed or physically hurt, James stepped into the flames which quickly engulfed him. _


	2. King's Cross

As soon as James stepped out of the fireplace and his eyes had adjusted, he almost fell over in shock.

"You!" he exclaimed, suddenly frowning at the watery-eyed man in front of him.

"Ja… James?" Peter Pettigrew stammered, turning a deathly white. He wondered if this was Hell.

James felt strangely calm. In sixteen years, he had been able to rationally process the information, the facts regarding his death. The fact that Peter had betrayed him was as good as settled and forgotten in his mind and there was only one thing that Dumbledore had known he should do. Discuss it with the traitor himself.

"James…" Peter looked close to tears. "Please don't kill me!" James almost laughed.

"You're already dead, you prat." Peter looked anguished.

"He really did kill me, then?" James snorted.

"You mean Voldemort? Nothing more than you deserved."

"I know," Peter sniffed, hanging his head in remorse. "I'm sorry, James." James did laugh that time, only because the apology had come sixteen years too late and James couldn't even be sure that Peter wasn't only sorry because he was in the afterlife and therefore needed to repent.

"Why did you do it?" James asked, the question falling from his lips before he could stop himself from speaking. The afterlife had an odd way of quietly encouraging people to speak their minds. Since their deaths, he'd told Lily that far too many dresses made her look fat for her liking.

"Why did I betray you?" Peter mumbled but with more confidence than he'd ever displayed in life. "Because I was scared. I felt powerless. I wanted to matter. I wanted people to revere me and recognise my talents."

"What talents?" James mocked nastily. Damn the afterlife for putting all his thoughts into words.

"I don't know," Peter agreed sadly. "I thought that I was a good spy. Devious and cunning and deceptively clever." James shrugged.

"I suppose you were those things. Not like that's a compliment," he added. "You've hardly spent sixteen years repenting, have you?"

"No," Peter whispered. "I've hurt your son. I've made life worse for him." A single tear rolled out of his eye but anger was beginning to build inside James's chest.

"I can forgive you for betraying me because it was my choice to trust you and I've had sixteen years to come to terms with it." Peter looked slightly cheered but James moved towards him and hissed. "But I'll never forgive you for making Harry an orphan. Or for binding him to a gravestone and taking his blood to revive Voldemort. You're bloody lucky that he didn't die that night." James vaguely remembered a rule about not swearing in Heaven but he couldn't worry about that now. Peter's lip trembled.

"He looks like you. It was so hard for me to do." James snarled.

"So why did you?" His voice was louder than it had been before. Out of all the Marauders, he had the most amiable nature and most controlled temper but his voice was just about as raised as Peter had ever heard it.

"I wish I had been given a choice. There was no one to fight for me," Peter trembled.

"No," James growled. "Because you gave up that privilege when you killed me. You don't get friends anymore, Pettigrew."

"Please call me Wormtail," Peter begged, looking thoroughly beaten. James shook his head.

"Nicknames for Marauders only." Peter let out a wail.

"No!" His tone was dripping with desperation. "Please! Not that! I'll do anything!"

"You're starting to sound like Lily," James told him coldly. "The night that Voldemort murdered her." Peter was crying hard now.

"Don't kick me out of the Marauders! Please!" The volume of his voice dropped. "They're the only good memories I have left. Don't leave me when I need you!"

"What, like you did to me? And Lily? And Sirius? And Remus? And Harry?" James stepped away from Peter in disgust. "Even when Harry saved your life, you still betrayed him a year later. You'll never know what loyalty means. Why in Merlin's name did the Sorting Hat put you in Gryffindor?"

"I don't know," Peter whispered, agonised. "I've always wondered."

There was long silence in which Peter dried his eyes on the sleeve of the jumper he was wearing and James stared blankly at the floor.

"Can't you say something nice to me?" Peter whimpered. "Something positive."

"No." James's response was blunt.

"Do you want anything from me?" Peter whispered. "I'll do anything you want." James's head snapped up.

"Tell me about my son," he demanded. Peter's face lost what little colour it had retained. Clearly he had not been expecting that request.

"Wha…what?" James rolled his eyes.

"Tell me about my son. I've missed his entire fucking life! Give me some details! Anything!" Peter looked terrified again.

"Hasn't Padfoot told you?"

"Don't call him that!" James snapped. "And I want to hear it from you." James's voice shook. "I need to hear it from you." He added the last part very quietly and had they not been in limbo, Peter would not have heard him.

"Alright, alright," he nodded, rapidly. "I've only met him a few times. He looks like you- the spitting image of you. Except his eyes. He's got Lily's eyes. He's compassionate like Lily, trusting and loving like her. Like both of you," he quickly backtracked. "He's brave too. He's not…" Peter swallowed another wave of tears. "That night in the graveyard, he didn't even try to make me feel guilty, he just accepted that I was going to betray him again. That was the worst part." James was quiet for a moment.

" When was the last time you saw him?" Peter racked his brains and then suddenly let out a frightened squeal.

"Oh Merlin, James!"

"What?" James was startled and grabbed Peter's wrist. "What? When did you see him?" Peter's other hand was clasped over his mouth. He was shaking his head frantically.

"I'd forgotten… Merlin, James… it was just before I died." James looked worried.

"Pettigrew, where was he?"

"Locked in the cellar at Malfoy Manor," was Peter's tearful reply.

"WHAT?" James yelled. "How did he end up there?" Peter shook his head and muffled sobs were clearly audible.

"Greyback… dragged them in…"

"Greyback?" James hissed. "As in the werewolf who infected Remus?" Peter nodded glumly and then his face lit up slightly.

"If it makes you feel better, I never liked Greyback, even when I was… on their side."

"That doesn't make me feel better!" James cried. "I wouldn't expect you to like him! And my son's locked in a cellar at the Malfoys'?"

"No!" Peter cried triumphantly. "I left the door open behind me! They must have escaped." James let out small sigh of relief but still looked furious.

"I'm so pissed off with you right now," he growled. Peter cowered away from his old friend.

"I know," he muttered. "Is this Hell?" James snorted and looked offended.

"Obviously not! They're hardly going to send me to Hell, are they?" Peter shrugged doubtfully.

"Maybe you've been granted a special visit." James snorted again.

"Dream on, Pettigrew. I didn't even want to see you. Dumbledore arranged this without me knowing."

"For whose benefit?" Peter whispered. James laughed.

"I have no idea. I'll ask him when I next see him." Looking confused, Peter shuffled towards the wall.

"Dumbledore's not in Heaven?"

"He's off doing something," James explained. "And nobody has any idea quite what, where or how. I thought that death would be the limit but for Dumbledore, obviously not."

There was another period of silence in which James ruffled his hair and Peter sighed.

"What?" James asked, although the annoyance in his voice had vanished somewhat.

"I was just thinking," Peter breathed. "How I used to idolise you." James almost laughed.

"I know you did," he replied, a slight bitterness to his tone. "How ironic."

"I still do, you know," Peter muttered tearfully.

"How is that possible?" James asked, smiling slightly despite himself.

"If I were you, I'd hate you so much for betraying me. I wouldn't even be able to stand here and talk to you," Peter explained.

"You thought I'd be worse than this?"

"Well, yeah," Peter admitted. "But don't get me wrong! I'm so grateful that you're not trying to curse me into oblivion." James raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't have a wand on me. We don't need them here." He gestured around the room. "Anyway, so you admire me for not kicking your butt straight into Hell?" James laughed. "Even I couldn't do that." Peter managed a small smirk.

"I see your ego hasn't deflated much." The laughter stopped.

"Yeah, no thanks to you." There was a definite coolness to James's voice again. "You'd find it quite damaging if one of your best friends betrayed you and your family to the world's most dangerous dark wizard." Peter had enough about him to look ashamed.

"Will I ever stop feeling guilty about that?" he asked quietly. James looked him in the eye.

"You feel guilty?" Peter nodded. "Good." James sounded satisfied. "That's something, at least. Sirius'll be pleased."

"How's Remus?" James asked and Peter looked down, embarrassed.

"I don't really know," he admitted.

"What, you don't keep an eye on what your old friends are up to?" Peter shrugged.

"You know he got married?" James nodded.

"Nymphadora Tonks. Sirius has got a list of jokes, sarcastic comments and mild insults about ten feet long for when Remus gets here. Although we hope that won't be for quite some time." Peter nodded, not wanting to risk laughing or smiling again.

"There… there are rumours that she's pregnant." James's face lit up.

"Really? You're kidding! That's brilliant!" His face fell slightly. "Merlin, I wish I could be there to impart all my fatherly knowledge." Peter flushed.

"Sorry," he muttered guiltily. James crossed his arms and watched Peter closely.

"You know, Remus should be most pissed at you out of all of us. You ruined his life the most. And then when you had the chance to apologise and do it over again, you still betrayed him. Again."

"It's too hard to be good, James," Peter gasped and immediately clapped his hand over his mouth.

"Don't be surprised," James shrugged. "This place likes us to tell the truth. If you lie, the truth generally finds its way out."

"Oh. Right." Peter remarked.

"Yeah, this is probably the first conversation we've ever had when I know that you're not lying to me."

"I was never like that before," Peter muttered sulkily.

"Before?"

"Before the war," Peter sighed. "I never used to lie to you guys." James considered that response.

"But that wasn't when it really mattered, was it?" When Peter didn't answer, James nodded. "Look, it's been interesting catching up but I've got five-a-side Quidditch to get back to. Sirius is probably losing abysmally without me." Peter jumped in alarm.

"No, don't leave!" he squeaked, moving a few steps closer to James, who in turn backed away.

"Why?" James raised an eyebrow. "You scared of what comes next?" After hesitating for second, Peter finally gulped and nodded.

"Yes," he whimpered. "I'm so scared."

"Anything else you wanted to tell me?" James asked casually.

"Just…just that I'm more sorry than you'll ever know." Peter looked as though it had cost him a great deal to admit that. "I'm sorry I chose the wrong side and betrayed you all and even if I went back in time, I wouldn't choose the right side because I'm too much of a coward." Something in James's expression softened.

"And that's the most truthful thing you've ever said to me," he told him. "Goodbye, Peter."

Peter ran after him but found that he could not touch the fireplace.

"James, don't go!" he screamed in terror. James paused.

"I have to leave," he explained firmly. Peter whimpered.

"What happens to me now?"

"You stay here," James told him. "You stay here and wait."

"W… wait for what?" Peter's entire body seemed to be shaking along with his voice and James met his gaze for the last time as golden flames began to rise in the fireplace.

"Just keep concentrating on that guilt, Peter. That will be the thing that saves you."

Peter sank to the floor in fear, loneliness and despair as James vanished from the fireplace. When he blinked and glanced upwards, the fireplace wasn't even there any longer. It had been replaced with a round object, which when Peter examined closely, he suddenly knew was a Pensieve. A Pensieve complete with silvery memories swirling around inside…


End file.
